Summer Heat, A Prehistoric Rage, and Jellyfish Attack

I woke up this New Year’s Day with what can only be described as not-even-close-to-a-hangover. In fact, I barely drank last night. A couple of Jameson’s on ice and that’s it. The most calm New Year’s Eve ever. Some stuffed spinach pizza, dvd’s, and snow falling outside as fireworks and gunshots went off throughout the city.

We got back from Florida late Sunday night and on Monday there was nothing that jumped out at us, no great celebration, or maybe we just didn’t care and so that was that. Florida was hot, mid-80’s, and between the pool and the ocean it was quite lovely. Until the jellyfish attack.

I think it was when I tried to jump a particularly large wave and missed, and the wave took my legs out, sending me crashing into the surf. As I slowly got back up another wave came in and nailed me and I went falling back into the shore. The jellyfish used this moment of weakness to attack and when I finally made my way back to dry sand I felt a stinging sensation in my knee. Those bastards had poisoned me!

A Benadryl and a few drinks later I was feeling fine again. Good thing, because someone had suggested using a meat tenderizer, and someone else offered to urinate on it. Sound methods, perhaps, for a snake bite or a stingray, but I politely declined and let the pills and alcohol potion do its job.

There were other monsters out there prowling the scorched earth, most notably the giant iguanas–ugly reptiles that scooted around with sudden speed and hissed in a prehistoric rage. Killer lizards! Survivors of the Stone Age, the Ice Age, and no doubt the Nuclear Age as well, these beasts have nothing but evil intentions in their spiky little heads. Luckily, we avoided any major confrontations.

So I went from four feet of snow in Colorado to 85 degrees in Florida and now serious cold and more snow in Chicago. It is Winter again, and Two Thousand and Eight, and so time to put out a record and elect someone competent. Also, lose a couple pounds and get married. And: find a job that suits me.


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