Letters From Andrew

Illinois man dies in molasses pit:

Vernon Schmidt of Danville, Ill., was removed from life support Wednesday night after being found unresponsive the day before on a platform inside an underground storage tank holding thousands of pounds of molasses.

Which reminds me, it’s time for another installment of…Letters from Andrew:


Got to love eating molasses. It’s the perfect food. Pure genius. Molasses in a form that you can chew. I’ve been waiting for this my whole life. Those crazy Fins, no one is crazier.

Now I can get back to talking with my hands. Oprah may be queen of issuing the order: “talk to the hand”, but I “talk with the hands.” Remember when she got that award? The golden hand award. It’s an arm with a palm facing you and “Talk to the hand” engraved in a fancy italic font. I think it was because that was voted the best new “pop phrase” of the year. What year was that again?

It’s been so long I don’t know what I should get on with. I did the Henry Miller thing so many times. Did you ever read his autobiography series? Sexus, Plexus, and Nexus. There was a scene (is that what you call it in a book?) where he has a good day and he goes to the beach and lies down. He writes in his mind. He comes up with so much there is no way he can remember it.

Did I ever tell you about the Unemployed Philosopher’s guild? They make toys. They make finger puppets that are hilarious. The box can be cut open into a stage. They have a series of the axis of evil finger puppets. Our public radio station gave some of them away with a pledge. There are 6 puppets in each set. Google it. If you don’t know the URL for google, I’ll google google for you and send it to you. Ok? Or you could go to yahoo to find the URL for google, or metacrawler for yahoo, then yahoo for google. You told 2 friends, and they told 2 friends, and so on and so on and so on.

A strange transaction late at night in an alley in which 3 bowling pins are traded for a bowling ball that’s been sawed in half,



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