Dick’s Brush With “Progress” (Update: Dick’s Brush With “War”)

Victory was not yet declared, but today a triumphant Dick Cheney said that the Taliban is “on the run” and “in its last throes,” as he hid in a bomb shelter in Afghanistan. “We’ve got ’em right where we want ’em,” said Dick, as the smoke began to clear and at least 14 dead bodies were lifted away from the scene. “What you see here is exactly why we went to war in Iraq. And it’s obviously a great success.”

Back home, Laura Bush demurred. “If it weren’t for that one bombing a day, I think you would see that the streets are actually very clean, and paved in shiny gold bricks. But the media doesn’t show that. I will most certainly come back one day to teach the children needlepoint.” When asked about Afghanistan Mrs. Bush smiled blankly and nodded her head. “Iraq, Afghanistan, what’s the difference, really?”

As he awaited the cleanup of the rubble in his securely guarded shelter, the VP began to build up a head of steam. “Once they let me out of this bunker I will show them what kind of a force they are reckoning with,” he began to rant, and then lifted a dirty hankerchief to his brow and dabbed the sweat, forcing a crooked smile before disappearing back into the darkness.


The death toll was eventually raised to 23 in the bombing that took place in Afghanistan yesterday. It also was notable in that Dick Cheney experienced his first ever “action,” having deferred from the draft five times during the Vietnam War (he turned 18 in 1959). Congratulations to Mr. Cheney for this remarkable service. Although whisked quickly to safety by armed agents into a bomb shelter, it may be stated that, for a few hair-raising seconds, Dick found himself in a combat zone situation.


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