Yeah, I grilled it. I wasn’t going to let this weather get me down! I got out there and I tried to start a fire but the winds were a-howlin’ and things looked bleak. See, I have a gas grill but I thought the tank was empty. It didn’t work last week, when it was warmer out, and so I thought it was time to re-fuel. Anyway, I thought I would use the real grill instead, and so I used the last of the charcoal and then threw some special Texas chips or some such thing on there to give it some smoky flavor. But the winds, they were a-whippin.’
So as I’m out there trying to start the fire I decide to check the gas grill again, and whaddaya know, the thing lights up! I guess I have some juice left. Meanwhile, I put the top on the real grill and it starts to smoke up as I’m cooking my chops on the gas grill. By the time the chops were done, the charcoal was starting to heat up and now I’ve got two fires burning.
There was nothing I could do about the charcoal, so I went inside and ate the pork chops, which were delicious. After we were done eating I went out to check on the grill and it’s still smoking and basically ready to go. A fire without a meat. Then I hear sirens and see a fire engine pull up right out in front of our house. We kind of hung out at the front door to see what was going on and we hear a neighbor say to the firemen “We smell gas!”
I start to laugh and wonder whether it was the grill that they smelled. After all, who would be grilling in such shitty weather? We watched as all the neighbors come out of their houses and everyone looks around quizzically and the firemen shake their heads. It has to be my grill! We shut the door and I went out back to check the grill. Yep, it smells like a fire. I poured some water on it and it smoked up even more, so I just put the top back on and left it alone.
And then, like Carl Spackler in “Caddyshack,” I put the hat down over my eyes and shuffled off as the smoke and fire billowed and the neighbor’s noses tried to figure out what the hell was going on.