A Bright and Healthy Future

At the halfway point, the Best Team in Baseball (tied with the L.A. Angels) holds a four and a half game lead over St. Louis and is poised to make a Run for the Glory in the second half. It is obvious that the toothbrush has played a major factor in this year’s success. Its bristles have shone the way to victory many times, and in the meanwhile they have shone a path to whiter teeth.

There are many positives to take out of this first half, from young Geovany Soto’s sensational All-Star play to Ryan Dempster’s meteoric rise out of the bullpen and into the starting rotation; from Ryan Theriot’s impressive .320 batting average to Aramis Ramirez’s team-leading 17 home runs and 66 RBI’s; from one shining white incisor to another sparkling bright molar, the results are there for all to see. You’ve got to feel good about our chances in this second half.

To bolster those chances, I will be lighting any candles, lanterns, incense, charcoal, logs, newspapers, draft cards, campfires, cigarettes, cigars, flags, sparklers, firecrackers, bottle rockets, bongs, joints or other flammables that may need heat with my Cubs lighter, as seen below. This should pretty much seal the deal.

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